2011 has been quite the year of self-discovery; mostly painful but in hindsight absolutely worth it. One of the most painful parts is that knowing when you choose a more intentional and purposeful path there are some areas of your life that’ll be impacted. Enter the friendship detox – saying goodbye and good riddance. I read this last week and it couldn’t have come at a better time. It’s a no-brainer when you start getting to know someone and you find out that they’re “in a relationship” with a married man. You run like crazy away from that buffoonery. I don’t want karma swinging down my path with that at all! But I’ve been wavering on pulling the plug on a friendship that at one point had tremendous value – as you know though roads diverge and I chose one path and the BFF another. So what to do?
So of course we picked a huge fight with each other and ended up not speaking for over a year. Things were said that can never be unsaid and ended up with me being absent at her wedding and not standing by her side at one of the most meaningful moments of her life. And it crushed me. But I knew that the point we had ended up at meant there was no going back to the days when we were attached at the hip. If you’ve ever lost a friendship you know the bone-crushing weight of that loss. We tried rebuilding it but it has now come to the point where I feel the need to pull the plug because I can’t rely on the value of what was, I need to know that what will be is greater. And after going around this over and over in my head, I can’t rationalize it anymore.
The thing is while I may disagree with her life choices, they are hers to make. The people she chooses to surround herself with are her choices. My choice is either to support those choices wholeheartedly or to remove myself if I cannot. I would expect no less from her. And so it ends but what gives me greater pause is the appreciation of the friends that I do have that support the goals in my life and hold my hands through the good and the bad. Those friendships I never question if they have my back
as we say in the hood, I never question that as things change in their lives (in mine as well) that we’ll still be there for each other.